Several years ago I was at a women’s retreat with a wonderful speaker. I appreciated what she had to share and had an opportunity during the weekend to talk with her individually on a personal level. When I heard that all of her children’s families were each living in different states I questioned, “Is that difficult for you to have them all so far away?” Quickly (probably too quickly for me) she responded almost indifferently, “No, they’re exactly where God wants them to be!”
I had such a hard time listening to her after that comment. All of the sudden she was no longer a “real” person in my mind. She was some spiritual giant (an alien really) – so giant that she was completely unaffected by the normal emotions of a mom and grandma missing her family. She was way beyond anything I could or would ever hope to be. I could no longer relate to her.
Had she just said something like, “Yes it is hard, but I’ve learned to trust the Lord that they are exactly where He wants them. We call and write regularly and we try to see each other as often as we can. We usually all get together every few years.” Something, anything that was remotely human with human feeling and care. Don’t give me the pat, “spiritual” answer – I don’t want it. Tell me how you feel. If you struggle, I want to know and if you’ve had victory, I want to learn about that too, but don’t make yourself sound unaffected by life.
There used to be a banner in the high school room that read: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” The best way to let people know we care is by being open and transparent with them. If we can share our life – and God’s amazing work in it, then we can share hope for them as well. But, we can only care for them if we are willing to share honestly and empathetically ourselves.
Romans 12:14-15 (The Message)
“Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.”
Father God I praise You that You are all-loving – that You love me, warts and all.
I confess that sometimes I want to look better than I am and so I put on a front, not being real. Thank You that You don’t expect us to be perfect and out of our imperfection You use us to minister to others. Lord, please help me to be honest and transparent, so people can relate to me and they know I understand.
In Christ’s Name, Amen
P.S. Sad thing about that retreat - do you know that now this personal conversation with the speaker is about all that I remember from that retreat? And this is in despite of the fact that I had so appreciated her teaching and had actually sought her out to engage in conversation because I had been so blessed by her words. Now I hardly remember them.
