Are You in a Clique or Just Friends?

by Sue Donaldson

I’ve heard the word “clique” bandied about our church recently. Did you know we had cliques? I suppose it’s true. I hate to think it is. Clique is a negative word. It sounds snobbish and judgmental. It implies exclusivity – those who aren’t in the clique feel excluded. Bummer. Sounds like Junior High. (I wasn’t in the cool clique, so I’m an expert.) It doesn’t sound like Gospel living to me.

Are these cliques?

- Those who bike and those who don’t.

- Those who knit and those who don’t.

- Those who go to women’s Bible study and those who don’t.

- Those who home school . . .

- Those who work fulltime outside the home . . .

- Those married to Christians . . .

- Those who join a Growth Group . . . and those who don’t.

Wait a minute. Everyone can bike if they want to. Anyone can join the knitting group. Is a Growth Group a clique?? Growth Groups aren’t negative. Also, I’ve been in a once-a-month lunch and prayer group for over 10 years – only 4 of us—is that something negative? Are you kidding? It’s a huge blessing and encouragement!

So what makes a clique a clique? Webster uses words like: clannish, exclusive, sticking with one’s own kind (that’s not always kind.)

A clique is when people stick with one group, exclusively. They find a commonality and stay only with those that are the same. It can be an age-group, a season-of-life group, a marital status group, a standard of living type, a where-you-live-type group, a level-of-education type group– ad infinitum. . . They become comfortable and stay put, never branching out. Years ago, a young mom said she wanted to change Bible study groups because there was no one her age in her group. (That made me feel very old!) Was she not able to see the value of us “old folks?” Or, did she just not have any other group of younger friends and this was the place she needed that closer association?

So, what’s wrong with that? Isn’t a common group a great way to be encouraged and to make friends?

There are a couple things that can be wrong: first, it’s the word only. God’s Word makes it very clear that Christ makes us all one -- one person is not better or lesser than another.

Galatians 3:26 and 28: “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ. . . there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

The Gospel is our level playing field - but we don’t always like playing with everyone on that field, do we?

And, second, we need to do our best to help people feel like they belong. If a fellow believer is nearby, it’s our responsibility and privilege to invite them in. And, if only for a few moments of conversation, to let them know that they are welcome. “Belongingness” (not a word, I suppose, but it should be) is the great hallmark of the Christian faith!

Granted, we don’t have to be best friends with everyone. We don’t have to share our deepest thoughts with everybody. Believe me, if we added even one more gal to our once-a-month group, we’d never meet – it’s hard enough coordinating 4 schedules (and getting a word in edgewise!)

One more thing—don’t stick with just one group. Someone said he had made his friends. It struck me a little funny—does that means he isn’t open to making another friend who might need him? Not sure. Who knows who the Lord may have in mind for you to get to know, minister to, and be ministered by?

So what do we need to watch out for? We need to be aware that others might be feeling excluded. They may be feeling that way because we really are excluding them! Unintentionally or not – it hurts! We need to be drawing others in, not making them feel like they don’t belong. We need to not just talk about our common interests when the group is mixed – that can make another feel excluded, even unintentionally. And, if we are the one feeling like “everyone is in a clique,” we need to be checking our own attitude (judgmental?)-- and host a coffee. I’ll come. I’ll bring donuts.

Lord,

Help me not be cliquish. I don’t think that pleases You. And keep me from judging others. I am long past Junior High and that’s a good thing! Amen.

A True Friend

by Peggy B.

I just finished reading a book called Sisterchicks Say Ooh La La! By Robin Jones Gunn. It is what we call in our house a “bubblegum” novel. A friend at work gave it to me for light reading when I retired last year. It is lightweight, fun and encouraging.

The book is about 2 girls who become best friends in Third Grade and remain best friends through adulthood. The plot is really not the point at all though. What really caught my attention was this quote in the very first chapter:

“I look back now and realize that the gift of a true friend is that she sees
you not the way you see yourself or the way others see you. A true friend sees who you are inside and who you can become.”

The more I read it and the more I have thought about it, the more deep that idea has become. I have lots of “friends”. I have childhood friends (yes, I am still in touch with one from pre-kindergarten), I have neighbor friends, I have work friends, I have church friends. There are different levels of friendship among them. But over the years I have been blessed with a few close friends. Remember in school we used to call them “best friends”?

I am so thankful for the women God has put into my life that fall into that category. Each one of them knows me for who I am. (At least mostly…I confess I still have a few dust bunnies under the refrigerator. {Listen to Sunday’s sermon if you don’t get that}) Those are the friends that I don’t have to pretend with. They are the ones who “see who I am inside and who I can become.” They are also the ones who challenge me, usually gently, to become that woman. They are the ones who listen to me whine without thinking less of me and let me complain without being judgmental but with just the right “refocusing”. They are the ones I can share my joys with for celebration and sorrows with for hugs, tears and prayer.

For me, some of those friendships have ebbed and flowed. Sometimes distance or other change has put the friendship on a shelf for a time, but what amazes me is that when I reconnect with that friend, it’s like we have never been apart. We chatter like magpies as we catch up on all of the comings and goings of one another’s lives and share the deep things of our hearts. There is some type of bonding of the soul that takes place when you have a friendship like that. What a wonderful thing.

People are designed by God to be in relationships with one another (have you ever listened to a group of women? More importantly, have you ever tried to get a group of women to be quiet?) We love to relate to each other. Some of us love it more than others. Some women are one or two friend people, while others are multiple friend people. (Quiz: Which category does Sue Donaldson fall into?)

My challenge to you is to look at your relationships. Do you have any “true friends”? Do you have someone who will see who you can become and help you get there even when the going gets tough? Some of you may say “I am waiting for someone to come along….” Well, don’t. Even if you are the world’s shyest introvert, you can begin a search for that person. Look around…invite someone for coffee…see who you might be able to reach out to. I’ll admit it is a bit risky feeling, but you can do it! Those relationships are built over time but really can begin over a cup of coffee and small talk. (Or tea and chocolate cake!) Don’t give up, keep trying.

A true friend will also raise our gaze. The can help us look at Christ, not our problems; we will see Him in their face. They can challenge us in our walk with God. We will have the opportunity to be Jesus to them in turn and we can challenge them in their walk with God. That’s the way we are designed!!

Proverbs 27:17

Iron sharpens iron,

So one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17 (Young’s Literal Translation)

Iron by iron is sharpened, And a man sharpens the face of his friend.

Father, I thank you for the true friends you have given me. Thank you that they have shown me your grace and love. Thank you that they lift me up and turn my eyes to You. Help me to be a true friend to those women you’ve brought into my life! Please be my model of a true friend, so that I know how to be that friend to others. Amen

Hope

by Kate Hasson

God is still good.

God is always good.

God is good.

He is our Hope.

Psalm 25:3 – No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame.

Psalm 119:147 – I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.

Micah 7:7 – But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.

Matthew 12:21 – In His name the nation will put their hope.

Hebrews 10:23 – Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

I found this video of Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife sharing about the loss of their daughter, Maria, and their strong Hope. Let’s continue to keep them in our prayers.

He Changes Not

by Debbi Weeks

I’m with Peggy (see Monday’s post) – Great is His faithfulness. I’ve had a rough week. As I was recovering from my lumpectomy, I was infected by my dear husband with some bronchial thingy. Now I’m on antibiotics and cough meds, but I am definitely out for the count! I just feel lousy.

But through it all I am at peace. That could only be supernatural. It is His great faithfulness to me. Regardless of how I am feeling . . . God is the same. He does not change. Malachi 3:6 says “I am the Lord, and I do not change . . .” (NLT)

I praise God that He is consistent even when I feel lousy, even when I am inconsistent, even when things don’t make sense (to me, I know they make sense to Him J), even when . . . Yes, Great is His faithfulness!

Father God I praise You that You are forever faithful. I praise You that You do not change. Oh, how wonderful for You to be my solid rock.

I confess that I sometimes take Your faithfulness for granted and I am faith-less.

Thank You that You have given me peace in this time.

Lord, please help me to focus on Your faithfulness instead of my feelings or circumstances.

In Christ’s Name, Amen

Reasons to Come to Bible Study

by Sue Donaldson

In my former working-fulltime, single life, I longed to attend Women’s Bible Study. It seemed so luxurious to take a couple of hours out during the day to meet with other women and soak in God’s Word.

Finally, I got married. Two weeks in Maui, then our first Sunday as a married couple, I heard the announcement: the new quarter of Women’s Bible Study was beginning Tuesday. I went—I needed girlfriends. This was a new town, a new church, a new life.

That was over twenty years ago. I missed one quarter because Bonnie was a noisy nurser.

To be honest, I haven’t always wanted to go. In fact, I reconsider every year – open to new ways to use my Thursday mornings. It was challenging (to say the least) to attend with babies, toddlers, kindergarten schedules, and part-time work schedules. (yada, yada, yada. . .)

There are always reasons not to go – I may even use one someday.

Here are some reasons to go, anyway:

1. To get to know women you have gone to church with for years but didn’t even know their names.

2. To share your prayer needs in a small group for 9 months.

3. To hear how God is working and has worked in others’ lives—miracles are hidden in everyone’s journey!

4. To not just read your Bible, but study deeper down through its many layers.

5. To make sure you read your Bible – accountability is a beautiful and necessary thing.

6. To pray for new and old friends.

7. To see that you are not alone in your struggles.

8. To see how God’s Word applies to your life right now in a big way.

9. To get to know older women (who don’t seem so old once you do get to know them) – they are wise and gracious, and have not just fallen off the turnip truck, as my mother would say.

10. To get to know younger women (they are smart and beautiful and can teach you much.)

11. To feel a greater part of your church family.

12. To learn what your spiritual gifts are and use them (they get better with use.)

13. To exercise the fruit of the Spirit (always helpful in a group setting.)

14. To make yourself vulnerable to the Holy Spirit’s work in your life through another person.

15. To allow others to see how God has worked in your life – you don’t just need them, they need to know you. You bring your own flavor to the table.

I know circumstances can disallow your attending. An evening study may work better in your lifestyle.

But, we can usually make something happen that we want to make happen – we’re smart and strong and motivated women, after all – and we have a big God Who listens to our heart’s desires. (We know how to “shake and make happen” as well as “shake and bake.”)

If you think I’m stepping where I shouldn’t be, at least ask yourself these questions (and you don’t need to tell me your answers):

1. Why don’t I want to go to Women’s Bible Study?

2. Does God want me to go?

3. Where else in my life am I getting regular fellowship with women who are different from myself? Older than myself? Younger than myself?

4. Do I need accountability in the Word?

5. Does someone there need my friendship? Will I take the risk, for the sake of the Kingdom?

6. Am I willing to pray about it? (He could say “No, it’s not for you this year.”-- there is no risk with God.)

I have to admit, number 3 above is my favorite – we need each other, ladies, and often we need people that we wouldn’t necessarily choose. And, they need us.

Pray about it. I’m on vacation, so you can get over being mad at me while I’m gone. I’ll be happy to pray about it with you when we get back.

Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so one (wo)man sharpens another.”

Today’s prayer is an obvious one:

“Lord, do you want me to go to Women’s Bible Study? If so, help me to want to go. If so, help me to go even if I don’t want to. If so, make it happen (You actually are the Shaker and Maker.) Can’t wait. Should be good if it’s where you’re leading me! Amen and amen.”

Great is Thy Faithfulness

by Peggy B.

Did you ever have a whirlwind in your mind and heart? (Silly question, hm?) Me too, right this very minute.

I guess having your baby move into her own apartment, in Seattle no less, coming home to the house you’ve left in chaos AND bringing your (tidy) mother-in-law home for a visit will do that to you.

Given these things, this is what has been swirling around in my mind for the last few hours:

“Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not;

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand has provided-

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!”

(Hymn, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” by Thomas O. Chisholm

Written in 1923, based on Lamentations 3:22,23)

Father, thank you for your faithfulness, even when I am a mess! Thank You for loving me just as I am. Create in me a heart of joy and praise, not BECAUSE of circumstances, but because You are ABOVE circumstances. Help me to see your mercies that are new every morning. Amen

PS. Thanks for my mother-in-law, without whom I wouldn’t have my wonderful husband

The Knowledge of the Holy

by Kate Hasson

I was given this book back in 2001 yet for some reason never read it. I just found it last week and started reading it and LOVE it! Here is what the back recap has to say:

“What is the nature of God? How can we recapture a real sense of God’s majesty and truly live in the Spirit? This beloved book, a modern classic of Christian testimony and devotion, addresses these and other vital questions, showing us how we can rejuvenate our prayer life, meditate more reverently, understand God more deeply, and experience God’s presence in our daily lives.”

“God Incomprehensible” is the title of the chapter I’m on and it has really got me thinking. The paragraph that I’ve quite enjoyed says this:

“When we try to imagine what God is like we must of necessity use that-which-is-not-God as the raw material for our minds to work on; hence whatever we visualize God to be, He is not, for we have constructed our image out of that which He has made and what He has made is not God. If we insist upon trying to imagine Him, we end with an idol, made not with hands but with thoughts; and an idol of the mind is as offensive to God as an idol of the hand.”

Then he goes on to quote from a Spanish saint, “Let the Christian soul love God as He is in Himself, and not as her imagination says He is, and pictures Him.”

Tozer continues to explain that “while the name of God is secret and His essential nature incomprehensible, He in condescending love has by revelation declared certain things to be true of Himself. These we call His attributes.”

The rest of the book goes through these attributes of God chapter by chapter: the Trinity, His Self-existence, His Self-sufficiency, His Eternity, Wisdom, Faithfulness, goodness, justice, mercy, grace love, holiness, sovereignty, etc.

I’m looking forward to reading more and grasping a better understanding of who my God is because I know that when I think rightly of God I will be able to more perfectly love and worship Him. If I don’t have a proper concept and view of God then I will fail to praise Him as He truly should be worshiped. I want to love Him and honor Him to the best of my ability and therefore I am excited to learn more about His greatness and His attributes to help me do so.

Tozer’s prayer at the beginning of the book puts this concept into perfect words:

“O Lord God Almighty, not the God of the philosophers and the wise but the God of the prophets and apostles; and better than all, the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, may I express Thee unblamed?

They that know Thee not may call upon Thee as other than Thou art, and so worship not Thee but a creature of their own fancy; therefore enlighten our minds that we may know Thee as Thou art, so that we may perfectly love Thee and worthily praise Thee.

In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”