I’ve heard the word “clique” bandied about our church recently. Did you know we had cliques? I suppose it’s true. I hate to think it is. Clique is a negative word. It sounds snobbish and judgmental. It implies exclusivity – those who aren’t in the clique feel excluded. Bummer. Sounds like Junior High. (I wasn’t in the cool clique, so I’m an expert.) It doesn’t sound like Gospel living to me.
Are these cliques?
- Those who bike and those who don’t.
- Those who knit and those who don’t.
- Those who go to women’s Bible study and those who don’t.
- Those who home school . . .
- Those who work fulltime outside the home . . .
- Those married to Christians . . .
- Those who join a Growth Group . . . and those who don’t.
Wait a minute. Everyone can bike if they want to. Anyone can join the knitting group. Is a Growth Group a clique?? Growth Groups aren’t negative. Also, I’ve been in a once-a-month lunch and prayer group for over 10 years – only 4 of us—is that something negative? Are you kidding? It’s a huge blessing and encouragement!
So what makes a clique a clique? Webster uses words like: clannish, exclusive, sticking with one’s own kind (that’s not always kind.)
A clique is when people stick with one group, exclusively. They find a commonality and stay only with those that are the same. It can be an age-group, a season-of-life group, a marital status group, a standard of living type, a where-you-live-type group, a level-of-education type group– ad infinitum. . . They become comfortable and stay put, never branching out. Years ago, a young mom said she wanted to change Bible study groups because there was no one her age in her group. (That made me feel very old!) Was she not able to see the value of us “old folks?” Or, did she just not have any other group of younger friends and this was the place she needed that closer association?
So, what’s wrong with that? Isn’t a common group a great way to be encouraged and to make friends?
There are a couple things that can be wrong: first, it’s the word only. God’s Word makes it very clear that Christ makes us all one -- one person is not better or lesser than another.
Galatians
The Gospel is our level playing field - but we don’t always like playing with everyone on that field, do we?
And, second, we need to do our best to help people feel like they belong. If a fellow believer is nearby, it’s our responsibility and privilege to invite them in. And, if only for a few moments of conversation, to let them know that they are welcome. “Belongingness” (not a word, I suppose, but it should be) is the great hallmark of the Christian faith!
Granted, we don’t have to be best friends with everyone. We don’t have to share our deepest thoughts with everybody. Believe me, if we added even one more gal to our once-a-month group, we’d never meet – it’s hard enough coordinating 4 schedules (and getting a word in edgewise!)
One more thing—don’t stick with just one group. Someone said he had made his friends. It struck me a little funny—does that means he isn’t open to making another friend who might need him? Not sure. Who knows who the Lord may have in mind for you to get to know, minister to, and be ministered by?
So what do we need to watch out for? We need to be aware that others might be feeling excluded. They may be feeling that way because we really are excluding them! Unintentionally or not – it hurts! We need to be drawing others in, not making them feel like they don’t belong. We need to not just talk about our common interests when the group is mixed – that can make another feel excluded, even unintentionally. And, if we are the one feeling like “everyone is in a clique,” we need to be checking our own attitude (judgmental?)-- and host a coffee. I’ll come. I’ll bring donuts.
Lord,
Help me not be cliquish. I don’t think that pleases You. And keep me from judging others. I am long past Junior High and that’s a good thing! Amen.
2 comments:
what a great post, sue! thanks for shedding some light on the clique issue from both sides.
Boy did this ring true! We're in a place where the word has been thrown about too, but unfortunately, I think it fits more than it doesn't.
What you said about "making others feel welcome" is key. My experience has been "if you tried harder, you'd be 'in' too." The point of not being a clique though, is the 'in' people reaching out to include those who aren't. Not everyone fits or belongs in every group, but what matters is if the heart of the group is open to those God might lead to them.
We've been gone from SLO for a long time now, but still feel loved and welcome there, even if we can't "join."
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